Crazy Serial

Mevio suspended my account.

2012-02-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

You can still enjoy Crazy Serial on iTunes and Podfeed.net for free.
Just go to iTunes here.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/crazy-serial/id457058824
or
http://www.podfeed.net/podcast/Crazy+Serial/23426
I am continuing my Crazy Serial Podcast, but I will most likely read it aloud to you on YouTube, right here on this page,
thanks for tuning in.
Amy Zents

Bitey Poodle's Vices by Amalia E. Zents Part XV

2011-12-01T11:30:00.001-08:00

Bitey Poodle's Vices by Amalia E. Zents Part XV
Transcript still needs editing I will post it soon.
Thanks for understanding.
Amy Zents

For a free audiobook go to
http://www.audibletrial.com/CrazySerial

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," (Part XIV) by Amalia E. Zents

2011-11-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," (Part XIV) by Amalia E. Zents
Download a free audio book today just go to: http://www.audibletrial.com/CrazySerial

Hear this transcript now read, and sung by the author Amalia Emma Zents at
http://www.mevio.com/episode/301273/bitey-poodle-s-vices-part-xiv-by

After wandering up Olden Street, a street well-known to be a testimony to prosperity and blatant materialism in Central Pines, there appeared before Bitey's view an array of swanky department stores exuding luxury and modern chicness along with the high prices to match. On this block Bitey espyed Spacey's, Parks and Censors, Snaks, and across the street consuming the entire side of the city block was a store that hailed itself as "the best of the best," Weiman Barkus.
While Bitey was considering which store he might pop into first, a large and beautiful Russian Borzoi raced past him, and nearly bumped into him.
He wondered why she was in such a hurry, and what her destination could be.
Scanning further up Olden Street, Bitey was surprised to see a long line of dogs standing patiently outside the Japanese Electronics store, Akita's Particles.
The line stretched along one big city block on Olden Street to a corner and continued around the corner along the not so fashionable Docktail Avenue, where one could stop into Rabbitrunner's reading room and mission flophouse, the Central Pines Police Precinct #5, and the Sleuth Hound, an antique store that had that disgusting smell of a old damp basement, packed with sad and mostly worn-out second hand furnishings that seemed at one time or another to have been immersed in a concoction of mothballs, dust and soiled underpants.
The Borzoi wouldn't stop at any price. But, Bitey followed her path to Akita's.
"Say, what's happening over at Akita's?" inquired Bitey of a tricoloured friendly looking Beagle who was standing on Olden Street near the corner of the block.
"Oh, goodness me," said the Beagle with fancy British declamation, "I daresay the Japanese Akita's are unveiling the newest gadget for all to see, and it's being presented by a celebrity."
"Really, what is it?"
"It's called the Akita Color Helper 2111. It's a strap-on cap that sends electrodes to the brain to help dogs see in vivid and three dimensional color. It's all the rage overseas, and now it's available here in the United Dogs.
"I'd love to try it."
"Then, like they say in Doggywood, "Get in line!"
Bitey glanced at the tremendous line, and said, "Thanks, but no thanks," and hurried away.
He decided he would try to sneak in through the back of the Akita building to avoid the long wait. His curiosity had been aroused and he had to try the new gadget, since he was a techie and a geek at heart.
But, sure enough, there were tough-looking security dogs dressed in black, manning the premises front and back, and no one could get in without waiting in line like the rest or else they would have to show a special V.I.P. pass to get in ahead of the line.
The privileges of the well-to-do are often who you know, and to Bitey's great surprise he saw someone he recognized.
Amidst the fanfare, oohs, ahh's sighs and shouts of, "Can I have my picture with you?"
"Will you sign my chest"" and "Can I please have your autograph," there sitting in the front seat of a two-seater sleek Belgian Bouvier sportscar, with a gorgeous female by his side was the one and only world-record champion runner and now new spokesdog for Akita's Color Helper, Bitey's celebrated brother, Victor.
He sure looked good. His wife, was that his second or his third?,was a stunner, a white poodle decked in the diamonds and ribbons every girl dog dreamed of, gloriously groomed and smelling of paradise. Bitey's heart skipped a beat and he envied Victor.
"To the Victor goes the spoils," Bitey sighed.
Victor pretended not to see Bitey. This was his shining moment and did not want his younger brother to interrupt his professional occupation of spokesdog.
But, to his dismay, Bitey's enthusiasm took precedence and Bitey hollered, "Hey Vicks!"
"Oh, no!"
Yes, Bitey knew Victor's nickname and used it anytime he wanted to level Victor, and take him down to the common level he loved. He also wanted to make Victor feel like he was a familiar friend and owed Bitey special attention.
"OK Bitey, what do you want?" growled Victor.
"Get me into Akita's to try the new Color Helper?"
"I'll better you one. I'll give you a brand-new Color Helper, if you'll help me out OK?"
"Anything Vicks, I'll do anything you say." said Bitey
"It's a deal. Ok then. Will you get off my back and leave me alone?"
"Off your back and left alone, roger 10-4!" squealed Bitey as he took a slick shiny sack containing the brand-new Akita Color Helper 2111.
Bitey left the crowds of on-lookers and patient pooches outside the Akita's Electronic store as he high-tailed it up Olden Street and down to the subway to take a euphoric ride home to his elegant quarters, overlooking the lovely Central Pines Park.
Before heading to his beautiful condominium, Bitey stopped in the midst of a group of Maple trees in a secluded and lonely corner of Central Pines Park hoping no one could see him as he put his muzzle through the rubber strap and secured the Color Helper on his skull. He was going to try it out and see what the world looked like in color. It was autumn and almost nightfall. There was a sinking sun on the horizon and just enough daylight for Bitey to see by.
After a humming, a piercing tone and an electronic vibration, Bitey sensed his peripheral vision and dilating pupils coming into clear focus. It was as if a blurry veil had been lifted and everything he saw was clearer, cleaner and brighter. Bitey was inspired. He saw the multi-colored sky, the orange sun and the rich red blaze of the Sugar Maple in front of him and he gaped in awe at its beauty. It was a spiritual experience for Bitey, so much so, that when he got back home he lay on his paisley living room hearth rug and uttered a little stream of consciousness song he created on the spot,
called,"The Tree of Red."

The tree of red stands out among the rest;

The tree of red is aflame with the colors of finality.

For months to come once autumn’s done,

The bare bones of the tree will show.

But time comes round,

And then comes spring.

The tree of red will burst with new leaves.

The tree of red will burst with birds and seeds.

The tree of red will love the summer~

And snow will have been long forgotten,

Then, the tree of red will appear in her glory;

Vibrant and wondrous to behold;

The age of brown and tan and gold

The tree of red will freak all eyes;

Young and old.

Will make them sit up in surprise;

With it's colors bold.

The tree of red will stand aflame

Under blue skies the sun she'll shame;

The tree of red will make things right

Before the winter ends it’s light.

The tree of red has made my day

It stands for time as it flows away

The tree of red does make me smile

At least for tonight, at least for just a while.

--
Created and written, sung by and spoken by the author Amalia E. Zents

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," (Part XIII) by Amalia E. Zents

2011-10-29T22:55:00.001-07:00

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," (Part XIII) by Amalia E. Zents
Download a free audio book today just go to: http://www.audibletrial.com/CrazySerial
Listen to my podcast of this transcript here: http://www.mevio.com/episode/300709/crazy-serial-bitey-poodle-s-vices-by

With fall came the change of season, a change in the weather, and a change of scenery in both nature and leisure activities. Howelling was on the minds of the young dogs wondering what costumes they should wear and the old (who were also still young at heart) who wanted to outshine the competition at the Annual Howelling party down at the local VFW. Also, the signs of the autumnal season could be seen in the city streets with the decor: pumpkins, scare-crows and corn-stalks adorning most of the homes and the public buildings. In shop windows the reflections of the passing dogs could be seen blended with the synthetic dog mannequins standing motionlessly posing dramatically behind the glass panes, dressed in masks and costumes, encased in their window-homes dressed as super-heroes, monsters or movie stars. Also, the days were getting a lot shorter and the nights a lot cooler. The wind had knocked down one of the flag poles in front of the Main Street Cafe and was threatening the flag pole in front of the Senior Center.

It was late afternoon when Bitey stood outside the dirty black door of the Hubble-bubble about to head home, but he paused in his path to looked up to see, not one, but two flocks of geese in the sky; There was one triangular group of fowl heading south in perfect formation and Bitey marveled at their unified vigorous flapping against the strong opposing wind. The other group, obviously too tired to press on were jettisoned by their leader towards a landing off in the distance. Bitey watched them descend in the direction of a far off river's edge by Central Pines Park. Bitey enjoyed watching the slow-motion balletic landing of the air-borne geese. Bitey watched in awe as the itinerant geese came down for a landing with their legs and webbed feet out-stretched to embrace the ground. Migratory birds on their way to their instinctive destinations were always a wondrous sight for Bitey's eyes to behold, and it was his pleasure to absorb their every move.
"I would never have noticed that sight if I was stuck in a traffic jam, or chained to nine to five desk job," mused Bitey,
The other flock of geese were flapping their powerful wings in the windy skies in an anxious attempt to keep up with their leader.
"Now there's a metaphor for city life. I am glad I don't have to try and keep up," Bitey mulled, "It would destroy who I am, even if it works for those geese."
(Although Bitey refused to keep up with the rest, in his mind,
when it came to poetry writing he felt he was the best.)
And while he knew in all honesty that it was not in his interest to be separate from friends and family to be a conformist was too hard for him. He was too aware his athletic brother Victor enjoyed the spoils of conformity, and that he was duly rewarded with a large income and ego-boost as a bonus for falling in line. Bitey decided he was not like the geese, or his brother either. He did not have a designated leader, nor a decided upon destination.
No. Bitey's days were usually spent relaxing, sleeping in, listening to good music on his mp3 player, enjoying a romp and a rumpus in Central Pines Park or heading over to the Prestigious Dog Palace to engage in a swim or a wrestle match with other dogs. Bitey liked outdoor activities, but with the change of season, his enjoyments also included a change to more indoor venues. As long as the weather permitted it, he enjoyed the sport of running on the hills, or chasing leaves on long autumn walks while listening to Charles Lowden singing French Bistro Songs, but usually he found his perch at the Hubble-Bubble playing TV trivia just as pleasant as being busy outdoors. Bitey loved being a social butterfly, and enjoyed making new friends or listening to stories about the eccentricities of his fellow city-dwellers.
Still, the geese heading south had caught Bitey's eye and so quickly running back into the Hubble Bubble, Bitey grabbed a napkin and a pen from the counter, and sat down in a cozy blue booth to write a poem, that he hoped one day he might set to music, called the "Geese of Fall."

"The Geese of fall, all fall in line
They go where their leader goes
They obey his sign
Together they fight the wind,
the cold and rain.
The Geese of fall go away as one,
and then they all come back again
Are they happy? They seem to be.
They are not alone, not alone like me.
The Geese of fall seem to have it all.
They answer and heed their leader's call.
I'm unable to fly, and I don't listen at all.
I wish I were more like The Geese of Fall."

Bitey liked what he'd written. it sounded good, even if it had a wistful tone.
He put the poem in his little leather pouch and decided to go and look around the major department stores to see if he might find a new winter scarf to keep out the cold.
He liked shopping. It got his mind off other things. Even if he was broke, he still liked to look at the variety of offerings and smell the fragrant aromas of all the store's temptations. It also gave him a change of scenery and a chance to tease the pretty, but low-paid sales clerks.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License. Download a free audio book today just go to: http://www.audibletrial.com/CrazySerial

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," (Part XII) by A. E. Zents

2011-10-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," (Part XII) by A. E. Zents
Enjoy the author reading you the story on her podcast link here. Crazy Serial is also a free iTunes Podcast.
http://www.mevio.com/episode/300162/crazy-serial-bitey-poodle-s-vices-by

After a moment's consideration, Bitey realized to his dismay that Bess never gave him her phone number, and there no way he could reach her unless he saw her in the park again.
He did not think rooting around Central Pines Park searching for her scent on trees and shrubs would get him any closer to her, so instead, he decided to go to the Hubble-Bubble and check out the results of his latest gambling adventure.
Pawball season had arrived and the Central Pines Cannons were doing lousy beyond all the expectations and the pre-season hype. Bitey knew this but, still, hoping that the Cannons might make a come-back,when they took on their arch-rivals the Westdog Whiners he, threw all caution to the wind, and against his better judgment Bitey Poodle took a chance on the Central Pines Cannons.
Bitey had placed a $100 bet on the home-team, hoping his perennial optimism might carry the Cannons over into the win column. Big mistake! While the whole city and the Cannons were all excited about the upcoming game against their neighboring competitors, the Westdog Whiners that Sunday, at the CP Arena, there lurked a pin in the pile of Whiners players just waiting to burst the Cannon's enthusiastic bubble, in the form of the Whineres calculating, courageous and geriatric QB.
Audiences watched with bated breath as the Cannons pawball players dropped the ball time and time again to a dog thrice their age. The Whiners, to their great credit, had their secret weapon, a professional player that was a legend in his field (and ON the field) albeit somewhat long-in-the tooth, whose real name was Theodore Tyke, that most called "Ready Teddy."
Number 10 Tyke, the hybrid hound of mixed ancestry, was a retriever of pawball renown.
The unchallenged QB was 15 years old and could still run the ball to the goal line without going down.
He had a bit of this and a bit of that in his bloodline, mostly Lab-mix, but boy! could that dog run!
In the third quarter, after a brief skirmish, the Cannons haphazardly tried to rout Tyke and take him down, but instead. to their surprise, Tyke ran the ball to the goal line for the first of many touch-downs in that game. The mostly Cannons crowd in the stand, on the side-lines, and on the field just gaped in astonishment.
What the Cannons team had in youth and exuberance, cute cheerleaders and snazzy uniforms, the Whiners countered with a player of experience and sheer will-power, and most of all, the best ingredient, Tyke's Mighty Tackle.
One other thing. There was a sneaky trick that the Whiners coach, Coach Stan "Stinky" Collie, liked to pull on unsuspecting teams.
He liked to give the opposing team a false sense of security.
During the first two quarters the Whiners would let the opposing team lead with a marginal score,
and then after the half, Ted Tyke, or "Ready Teddy," would let loose, and the Whiners would take home the celebrated victory.
The outcome of the Cannons/Whiners game was something Bitey was waiting to hear about.
Since he didn't go to the game that afternoon, but just bet on it a week ago, he was unprepared to hear the score, when he trotted cheerfully into the Hubble-Bubble.
Furtive Pug intimated the final score of the Whiners-Cannons game to Bitey.
The news was abysmal!
"The Whiners whipped the Cannons with a final of 33-7." groaned Furtive.
Bitey's mood dropped from rosy to morose in an instant.
Bitey had lost his bet, but so did Furtive Pug, Lorraine Bull-dog and many other regulars at the place where they gathered for regular libations and entertainment.
The motto of the Hubble-Bubble was, "The Party Starts Here."
However, no one felt like partying after the Cannon's big loss.
Bitey ordered a pine-float.
"A glass of water and a toothpick please." ordered Bitey to the bar-keep.
The winnings he had hoped to live on for the next few days were gone with the Whiners.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices," By A. E. Zents (XI)

2011-10-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the author reading you the story for free at iTunes Podcast or else here:
http://crazyserial.mevio.com/

Download a free audio book today just go to: http://www.audibletrial.com/CrazySerial

There was little wonder Bitey Poodle responded to the "Guardian of the Flock."
He lost his dad when he was a growing pup and there was a majesty about the Greek Sheepdog that stirred in Bitey a great admiration and longing for a mentor, or at least a vicarious wish to be a celebrated savior.
He wished he were invincible too, and he loved to run.
It was a wonder to watch the Dog of Steel gallop, and Bitey also loved to gallop.
His long, strong legs were often employed when he wanted to run off his emotions.
When he wanted to shake off the pain and the stress of rejection and loss, Bitey Poodle would run.
One day Bitey found an Origami frog in his strong box, underneath his parent's will.
There was, on the paper folded into a frog, a poem his mother had penned for Bitey, when the will was being made, long before Bitey was even aware his folks had created a will for their dependents.
It was as if his mother knew her Bitey, or Leon (the name she called him by) was singular, a special dog in need of special attention.
In the note his mother wrote, it read,
To my darling young Leon:
How do I say I love you?
For everything you are to me, deep in my soul,
Your little paw prints, indelibly stamped on my heart.
I made you, and now you make me, who I am.
How do I give you everything I know you really need?
A lifetime of love to heal all the pain you're going through.
You want so much, to have, to see, to try, to be, to do.
Though you often feel so all alone,
How do I show you how much I care?
Must I buy you more stuff to clear the air?
Or do I leave you to figure it all out for yourself
My darling pup, I wish you long life and good health,
We belong to each other, and your love is my greatest wealth.
The message implied gave Bitey comfort, that perhaps he would someday find his purpose and calling.
After Bitey had read the poem he'd discovered, soon after his parents demise, he went to the high school track and ran around it ten or twelve times at top-speed, the sorrow in him diluting with every bounding leap and lap.
Bitey was indeed a problem pup and now a troubled young adult dog .
He wanted to be someone, and if it wouldn't be too much to ask, he also wouldn't mind being famous.
Perhaps he did not have the ability to master all the skills of a Superhero or even any of them to be successful.
Bitey was jerked out of his reverie when the Pomeranian in the row ahead of him set off an enormous torrent of barking in the movie theater.
By instinctive reflex, Bitey joined in, with the most annoying and rambunctious high-pitched, high-powered barks as well, until his cleverness and sharp vision got the best of him.
A-Ha! Mystery solved!
Bitey was clever enough to spot that the reason the audience was barking was not because of what was going on on-screen but what was going on live!
A quick glance up at two dogs, high up on either side of the movie theater in balconies facing each other, holding a wire, told Bitey he needed to stop barking and start blaming.
Members of an illegal gang of dogs, doubtless Lola's minions, had the idea of putting a stuffed squirrel on a cable wire and sending it sailing over the audience.
When the Pomeranian looked up in awe of the wonder dog, she was the first to see the squirrel on a wire.

Dogs are not immune to the power of the squirrel. It does not matter if the squirrel is real or fake.
Bitey, especially, could be tormented to extreme barking at the sight of one of those fluffy-tailed temptations. The owners of the Bischon Bijou had to turn the houselights on and stop the movie. There was a rodent crisis going on and no amount of deterrents, save what happened next, would quell the frantic audience.
"Hey! It's a fake!," shouted Bitey.
A border collie, the smartest of the bunch, and a half-crazed Heinz 57 German Shepherd-mix, reacted the instant they heard Bitey.
Together the dogs leaped up and captured the furry blur, and took turns at yanking and volleying the decoy of distraction with such fierce endeavor, until bits of white fluff, like cotton candy, flew hither and thither all over the crowd of greedy onlookers. All eyes, ears and barks were gratified as they watched the stuffed squirrel disintegrate in the fray. Finally, the audience quieted to watch the rest of the movie. The movie didn't seem quite as interesting to watch now that the excited dogs ya-ya's had been let out.
The faux fur debacle was way more exciting than the flick.
Real life always outshone the make-believe.
The movie was over in an hour and half and everyone left with the taste of a true story on their tongues,
just itching to tell their friends about the squirrel in the movie house.
Bitey left the movie theater in a bit of a funk, mainly because he was disgusted at himself for getting so wound up over that fake squirrel. Then again, he was the first to realize it had all been a ruse.
He knew that the press would cite the wrong reason for the squirrel's miraculous appearance.
It would likely be blamed on Dogs Against Divas (D.A.D's), a protest group opposed to the celebrity world, mainly because they weren't very welcome in it, and they couldn't afford the lavish lifestyles of those they viewed on the screen.
The squirrel incident might be viewed as a demonstration of opposition by the little dog to all that was opulent and extravagent in Central Pines City.
However, knowing the ways of the world, Bitey accurately surmised that the "fracas de Squirrel" was most likely motivated by a bet, on a dare, by a couple of Lola's minions, members of the underground gang of hoodlums she governed, and also dogs who frequented the infamous Hubble-Bubble in the Downward Slides area of the city.
The conversation at the seedy bar probably went like this:
"Betcha wouldn't tease the dogs with a fake squirrel at the show today."
"Oh yeah? How much?"
"A crisp C note, sweetheart," would be the reply, said in a mock Humply Dogcart voice.
"You're on!"
And thus the magical appearance of a squirrel doll sliding down, borne aloft, on a wire, over the heads of already keyed-up canines happened today, all to quell a bet.
Bitey decided it was time he telephoned Bess, his motivation, and muse. He needed a change of focus.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

Crazy Serial Podcast, "Bitey Poodle's Vices (Part X) Amalia Emma Zents

2011-10-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

This edition of Crazy Serial is dedicated to one of my favourite authors who I have been so inspired and entertained and influenced by, Mr. Terry Pratchett.
"God Bless you Terry and keep you well in your journey ahead." ~ Amalia Emma Zents

Crazy Serial Podcast, "Bitey Poodle's Vices (Part X) Amalia Emma Zents
You may listen to this episode here:
http://crazyserial.mevio.com/
and on iTunes, and Podcast Alley

Bitey had to do a double-take as he walked quickly along the sidewalk and nearly bumped into a coon hound lying on the sidewalk snoring and droooling. In a tattered pink chiffon apron lay Dusky Dawn doped on dog booze and bloated with care. She was sprawled out in front of a burnt-out building.
"My, how the mighty have fallen," mused Bitey.
He knew he needed to get to the Bichon Bijou right away since the movie was about to start, and it was still another two blocks away. He couldn't wait to see his favorite dog star in "Guardian of the Flock," but he also couldn't resist saying hello to Dusky, and inquiring about what happened to his old pal from the playground.
Bitey stopped and gave Dusky a light nudge with his muzzle.
"Dusky, wake up!" There was little response.
"Dusky, wake up!" Still no wakey reply.
Then Bitey picked up a stick lying under a tree and gave Dusky a little poke.
Dusky stirred and opened her eyes.
They were all bleary and bloodshot. Dusky smelled bad and looked even worse.
Bitey's heart melted and he told himself he'd better give Dusky some moola before he left.
Dusky barely recognized Bitey, she growled and bared her teeth in a half-hearted attempt to get him to leave.
"Round and round the watering bowl, the doggy chased the kitty," sang Bitey.
"Bitey!" Dusky came to life. She sat up and howled a little howl. "Whoo-whoo. Great to see you," she croaked. Her voice which was once clear and strong was now raspy and dull.
"You're looking well kiddo."
"Looks like things haven't turned out too well for you Dusky."
No. They hadn't. Dusky was ashamed to tell Bitey about her tragic fiasco. She had used her inheritance to buy a franchise restaurant called, BoozyBurger's, where a beer and burger were bought for a buck.
Instead all the locals called the place Hindenberger's because of what usually happened. When Dusky wasn't burning the burgers on the fryer, she was igniting the kitchen in a drunker stupor.
Her inattentiveness and ineptness, along with a weakness for large and continuous drafts of beer, brought her low and destroyed her livelihood.
Her dreams literally went up in smoke, and Dusky joined the ranks of the homeless and the hopeless.
"Oh, the calamity!" sighed Dusky.
"Say no more," Bitey assured Dusky, "Here's a fifty, get yourself some shelter and a bite to eat. And get rid of that charred apron. OK?"
Dusky nodded vigorously while staring at the "worker bee." Bitey hung on to the fifty until Dusky finally wrenched it from his paw. She pretended to be all serious too, but in her mind's eye she could see at least two weeks of beer money.
"Take care Dusky, and get cleaned up. Ok?"
"Ok." Dusky said as sweetly as she could.
Bitey felt Dusky should mind her reputation better.
She was a female, and weren't all females supposed to be clean and pretty?
Apparantly, Dusky preferred drinking to being dainty.
She made a bee line with her "worker bee," straight to The Beer Mill to get some liquid distraction.

When Bitey got to the Bichon Bijou he was happy to know there were still a couple of seats left.
He bought his ticket and hurried up the stairs to get in as quickly and quietly as he could.
He sat down near the back. The movie house was dark and full of dogs.
A guaranteed blockbuster if there ever was one.
The previews had already started and the natives were getting restless.
It was not too noisy to hear a Great Dane nearby, complain to his companion,
"I've finished all my popcorn and the feature hasn't even started."
"Yeah, and what lame movies they're coming out with these days," agreed his date.
"Yeah, boring dramas," the Great Dane elaborated, "12 Angry Dogs" "Finding Fritzie," "Scent of a Boxer?" Huh! But, there's just one I like. That Sam Scottie starring in "Beam me up!"
That looks like it could be funny!"
"Yeah, it does."
A Pomeranian sitting in front of Bitey leaned over to his big sister and whispered,
"I can't wait for the show to start."
Bitey couldn't either.
He didn't have to wait much longer until the dog with the fishing pole appeared on the screen.
They were about to start the feature presentation.
The music was grand and the opening scene was majestic.
Hearts were palpitating and tongues were panting in anticipation in the audience.
Their favorite film star could be seen jumping out of a helicopter and they sat very still.
All the dogs leaned closer to the screen.
A ferocious Grizzly Bear was running away from their hero.
The audience was in awe of Seirious, the Dog of Steel.
The Doggywood Superstar wore a gun-metal cap, a gray cape, black tights and white boots.
His superpowers were awe-inspiring.
He flew faster than a Frisbee and was able to jump high fences in a single bound.
He stood for values such as loyalty, truth and the right of way.
Just then, the Pomeranian's big sister began to bark an excited high-pitched, loud, and piercing bark. Other dogs joined in, and a riotous cacophony of howling erupted.
______________________________________________________________________________

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

"Crazy Serial Podcast," By Amalia E. Zents. (Part IX) "Bitey Poodle's Vices."

2011-10-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

Crazy Serial, by Amalia Emma Zents

"Bitey Poodle's Vices" Part IX

This edition of Crazy Serial, "Bitey Poodle's Vices Part IX" is dedicated to the memory of the late great Steve Jobs.

"Thank you for the iPod and all your other inventions that have improved human communications." Amalia Emma Zents

Listen to me read this post for you at this link or on iTunes.
http://www.mevio.com/episode/298012/bitey-poodle-s-vices-by-amalia-e.

At Jack Russell's Hair Salon, Bitey leisurely lapped his complimentary drink. The stress of the commute along with the concerns of the day were beginning to melt off his bones. Bitey enjoyed being the center of attention, and was delighted when he heard his name announced. Now it his turn to get bathed and groomed.
"Ah!" thought Bitey, as the warm shower of water and fragrant shampoo engulfed his black curly fur, "How wonderful this feels."
The calm flute music piping through the walls of the brown and beige checkered marble shower was sophisticated enough, but the colors of the rotating lights dancing to the gushing warm waters, as they pulsated off and on to the music, first pink, then green, then purple, then yellow, then blue, then orange, took Bitey to an even higher level of bliss. Adding to this, the excitement aroused by the doggy booze coursing through his youthful sensitive veins, made Bitey feel more and more serene and content.
"Life is good," Bitey mused.
The attendant who cared for Bitey was a freckle-faced blonde and white Irish Setter, named Eloise.
She was a tranquil, nurturing dog. A gentle soul with large brown-green eyes and a big white smile, a smooth coat and curly ears. Her paws were neatly trimmed and her coat was clean, fresh-smelling and fashionably combed and she wore a neatly starched dress with big pockets for combs and clips, hair product and brushes.
Bitey enjoyed every second of the pampering pleasures he had ordered.
He loved the water, the scents, the sounds of the trimmer, and the snipping of his toenails.
The final part of his grooming menu always came as a welcome relief as well.
There was little Bitey did not enjoy during his "Get Handsome Time"at his favorite salon.
He liked the brushing of his fur, the styling of his crown, and most of all, the after-effects he saw reflected in the salon mirror.
"All new again," thought Bitey. admiringly.
Eloise looked modest and said reassuringly, "You look very dapper, sir."
"Maybe next time I'll be a bit more daring," uttered Bitey. "Maybe next time, I'll have a few blue or red streaks of hair color put in my fur just for rock star rebel appeal."
"No problem," said Eloise.
They could do it at Jack Russell's Hair Salon. They were a full-service enterprise. They also offered spa services in a soothing upscale setting which Bitey never quite got into. He prefered the scantily clad Pretty Pollys of "Tender Poochies Massage Parlor," to pet away his stress when he had the money to pay for it.
The poodles at Tender Poochies were into holistic treatments and always liked to share a good laugh with the patrons. The latest one Bitey heard was, "What do you call an indecisive bee?" Bitey didn't know the punchline and tried and tried to think of an answer. "A koo-koo bee?" he tried. "No!" said the masseuse, "A May Be!" That gave Bitey a chuckle and a bit of a groan to boot. Nevertheless, it was sweet.
Jack Russell's Salon's experts in grooming knew how to provide good service every time.
From top to toe, Bitey was always pleased with their services.
After Bitey paid for his personal improvements, he decided to go buy a good bowl of hot stew and relax with the Central Pines Times. He wanted to see if there were some traveling amusements in town that might be worthwhile. Bitey loved the Flying Trapezio Brothers, the high-wire poodle act that used umbrellas and chairs to defy death in various poses. He loved to see the Medieval Marching Mutts do dinner theatre as knights of the realm and battle it out on remote-controlled horse-powered buggys, but most of all he loved movies. Any movie with a daring, majestic dog in the lead role caught his attention. His favorite star was Seirious Poimenikos, the Greek Sheepdog.
Bitey checked out the entertainment section of the Times, and to his great delight, "Guardian of the Flock," just hit the local bijou. Bitey couldn't be happier.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.Enjoy a free audiobookhttp://www.audible.com/t1/14DayGoldFT?source_code=NETGA0001PD093010

"Crazy Serial Podcast," By Amalia E. Zents. (Part VIII ) "Bitey Poodle's Vices."

2011-09-29T16:06:00.001-07:00

You may enjoy hearing the podcast at the link
http://www.mevio.com/episode/297434/bitey-poodle-s-vices-by-amalia-e.

Bitey Poodle did not like to be conned or used.
There was always a risk living in the city where a friend of a friend would try and take advantage of a generous heart. Therefore, Bitey knew it was best to have a thick skin, even if he had a thick skull at times when it came to the ladies.
He thought about his prospects in relation to city living.
There was a lot he liked about the bright lights of the big town he resided in. Central Pines boasted a lively dog culture where he could go for a laugh when he felt like it at the Comic Dog, a tasty plate of sushi if he was feeling adventurous at the Chinese Cuisine, or a good doggy massage at Tender Poochies.
Today he stretched, yawned and thought about breakfast. He wanted some good old-fashioned eggs and cheese. He thought he might stop by the ATM and see if his monthly monies had arrived. They should have. It was due around now.
He got off the bus at the corner of Juniper St. and Riding Ave. and stepped up to the ATM.
He figured $200 would suit him for at least a day or two.
He wore his dark sunglasses and had a floppy brown hat concealing his face.
He didn’t want to be noticed as a poodle with funds.
Bitey also had a grooming appointment at the dog salon and felt feisty and refreshed at the prospects of getting a bath and a trim.
“But first,” Bitey thought, “I could eat.”
Bitey went to a roadside vendor and ordered a hot egg and cheese. He ate it with gusto (since he didn’t like relish!)
Bitey took the subway to Jack Russell's Dog Salon on 5th and Main.
He was excited to find out all the latest gossip as well as read the paper.
Bitey couldn't do a crossword successfully, but he did like Dogball and he liked to read the funnies.
The patrons of Jack Russell's were all a bunch of middle to upper-class dogs who took pride in their appearance. Also, Bitey couldn't help but notice that a lot of the dogs lady friends came along to support their fellas.
The idea of taking along a female on a trek to the barber's was not Bitey's idea of a date.
Bitey loved the manly smell of the place, the musky cologne and the shiny metal fixtures, the dark mahogany tables and chairs and the free drinks for paying customers.
Bitey would order a "Bull Terrier," a mix of beer and fermented tomato.
It put a spring in his step and a buzz in his head. It also loosened his tongue.

___________________________________________________________________________________

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We are also a free podcast on iTunes podcasts under, "Crazy Serial," by Amalia E. Zents
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"Crazy Serial Podcast," By Amalia E. Zents. (Part VII ) "Bitey Poodle's Vices."

2011-08-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

Here is the link to the podcast, it is also available on iTunes.
You many open a tab and follow along to the text with the audio.
http://www.mevio.com/episode/293422/crazy-serial-podcast.-bitey-poodle-s-vices

Bitey Poodle was aroused from his slumber by the sound of thunder, and lightening. Shook up and scared, he raced to the window to inspect the dark sky and bark at the ominous view. Rain was falling hard against the Plexiglass, and the city's skyline looked blurry and shiny through the pane. Here and there lights echoed their shards of yellow through the blackness, offering glimmers of comfort and warmth in a world of damp, wet Bitey Poodle fears.
The illuminations of the night did little to quell the upsetting excitement Bitey Poodle felt. He tried to drown out the loud crashes of thunder by turning on the TV.
He wanted to watch something happy and light-hearted, like a cartoon or a comedy with a lively soundtrack to get his mind off the storm. The television transmission was poor and crackly and the weather warnings rolling across the screen made Bitey feel he should turn off the TV set.
He crawled under the white quilted coverlet on his bed, and he tried to go back to sleep. '
When this failed Bitey got up to get a drink of water thinking this might help to try and calm down.
He felt that the thunder and lightening always got to him because of something he'd learned as a puppy. Bitey had a vague memory of his mother howling at the thunder in the dark. He remembered his father did not react to the noisy skies, and just huddled close with the family lending his strong stable presence to the litter, and letting his wife know he was there, even if she would not quit her frenzied barking.
Bitey thought he'd probably learned to be afraid of storms from his mom.
As a chorus, the Poodle family would try to recite a song, and when Bitey grew bigger he remembered learning the Storm Song. The Storm Song was passed down from some ancient Poodle by the oral tradition, and it was a widely regarded as a folk song about a bird in a far away land who called out to the skies to let him down, let him down to a place, that was safe and sound.
Bitey Poodle started to whimper above a whisper, while the winds raged and the thunder roared.
"Let me down, Oh Let me down, Let me please be safe and sound,
When the lightening cracks the sky, when my fears make me cry, please let me down, let me down, safe and sound on the ground. Tomorrow I will once again fly, once the storm has passed me by, but right now, help me home, safe and sound, let me down."
Bitey noticed the chant helped allay his worries a little, and so comforted he tried occupying himself at his djembe by monkeying with the lyrics, while he rapped out a steady beat, and thought up some new lyrics: I'm such a clown, cuz you're not around, I run around, I play the clown, I paint the town, Did I let you down?
The lyrics were a bit too close for comfort, especially as Bitey was being a bit of a cad these days, and he generally found commitments too hard to handle, and obligations too out of reach.
He hated the feeling he got whenever he thought of his lack of self-control. For howling out loud what did they all think? He should become an upstanding citizen of Central Pines like his brother Victor, or the other litter in his family?
Bitey felt perhaps he needed to grow up sometime, and he thought to himself, he would try and be better with handling his money, but settling down and becoming respectable was nothing he could ever accomplish at least, in the near future. "IMHO," he thought.
He had his role models, but to be like Michael Poodle the All-world Gold medal Champ in the Dog Olympics, or a philanthropist like Albert Schnauzer was something he felt he could never aspire to.
He liked the fact, that according to Bitey, his duties in life were plain and simple. He got up, took care of his bodily needs, kept out of fights, kept clean, and tried to be a good dog as far as he was concerned.
Other than that, outside of being insolvent by the end of each month, his regular trust fund income afforded Bitey to be spoiled and pampered, and so far, so good. Bitey wondered, "What do I care, I've got it good."
Except tonight it wasn't so good. There was no one Bitey felt he cared enough about, for him to tell his troubles to. Maybe Bess the Golden-haired retriever was someone that might sympathize with him. She already wanted to make the world a better place by being a Police Dog. Maybe she could improve his life as well.

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We are also a free podcast on iTunes podcasts under, "Crazy Serial," by Amalia E. Zents

"Crazy Serial Podcast," By Amalia E. Zents. (Part VI ) "Bitey Poodle's Vices."

2011-08-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Open a tab and listen to the transcript of this podcast "Crazy Serial," by Amalia E. Zents, singer-songwriter, blogger and broadcaster:
http://www.mevio.com/episode/293006/crazy-serial-podcast-by-amalia-e.-zents.

It was live entertainment from 8-11pm every Friday and Saturday night at the run-down HubbleBubble Tavern in the Downward Slides district of Central Pines City. All the regulars were there for their weekend buzz. The crowd lounged in varying positions all over the bar, with mainly low-grade tap beer in their beakers, each one excited to take a break from the daily drudgery of living in tenements, makeshift boarding dives and cardboard boxes, most paying their way with money they begged, borrowed, or somehow conveniently and fortuitously "found."
Lola Yorky was MC'ing and working the crowd with smiles and winks. After warming up the crowd with her comedy act she introduced a live band, Triple V (Vee) formerly known as Class C.
While the local band dragged their instruments on stage, Lola wagged her tail saucily at the crowd. Her silky platinum fur was spilling out of her red sequined tunic, and as the hounds grew more restless by her tantalizing moves, she tripped lightly off the stage and over to the bar to get a drink.
The band Triple V was ready now. Feedback and sound check over, they started to jam. The band was a three-piece ensemble made up of a motley mutt mix of self-taught music-makers who liked to create an upbeat mishmash of folk, and jazz to a rocking beat. On the left of the stage was a bouncy, boozy, banjo-strumming Pointer/Grayhound nicknamed PG, next over was seated a Cockapoo who gave himself the dubious stage name, CockyP, looking more shifty-eyed, self-conscious and serious than cocky. He played rhythm guitar, only glancing up now and then to gauge the audience's approval, while generally lost in his own little bubble of musical bliss.
Finally, there stood on the right, a Collie-shepherd called Rocky who played electric lead guitar. Rocky was older than his band-mates, but well-preserved and neatly groomed. He had an eye for the ladies and a desire to outshine the other two accompanying him on stage.
In an unrelated revelation, the trio also ran a successful window-washing company. For awhile their band name was a play on words, called "Class C," but that was not the image they sought to give. There was nothing about them that was too classy.
In fact, it was a local deli owner who gave them their new edgy band name. After the grand opening of Helga Dachshund's Merry Delicatessen, the owner happily said, "So dees are za Vindow Viping Virtuosos!" The band liked the sound of it, and thought it was their lucky break, thus, the band's name was now the "Vindow Viping Virtuosos," mercifully shortened to Triple V.
These days they enjoyed inciting a flutter of celebrity-excitement whenever they showed up to clean the dirty downtown business panes.
For those who had heard of them, they knew that as a bar band they were actually quite good, but poor-folk pub gigs didn't quite pay the bills.
What appealed to the crowds about Triple V was that their sound was original and full of energy. PG liked to stomp his foot to the beat and the band was a hit with the mostly Heinz 57 crowd. They knew that if they were ever to make it big on the music scene they would need a manager who could sell their original sound to a majority, and it would be a rare coup because most big labels wanted a tried and true sound like the pop poop that was so popular among pups, and big-wig music execs probably wouldn't take a gamble on a trio of original window washers with their own interpretations of what folk, jazz and rock should sound like.
One of the highlight's of Triple V was the fact they liked to include their audiences in their act, and as the lead guitar player Rocky scanned his eyes over the crowds, looking for Mr. Showmanship himself, Bitey Poodle was nowhere to be found.

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We are also a free podcast on iTunes podcasts under, "Crazy Serial," by Amalia E. Zents

Crazy Serial: "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia Zents (Part V)

2011-08-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

The audio feed/podcast is free and found here:
http://www.mevio.com/episode/292632/crazy-serial-bitey-poodle-s-vices-by

The possessive barkeep of the HubbleBubble, Lorraine Bulldog, and the tavern's manager Furtive Pug, were secretly a part of an organized ring of con artists, grifters, thieves, and crooks who liked to scam other dogs whenever they could.
Their main purpose was to gain a quick buck to help them make it through each day, and through each night.
Their main territory was the low-rent, run-down areas of Central Pines City, and its impoverished inhabitants.
The leading light of the underground canine miscreants, was a pompous little Yorkshire Terrier bitch named Lola Yorky. However, unlike her protegees, Lola had greater ambitions, and she used more savvy tactics to ensnare her victims at a higher level.
It had always been Lola's ambition to be rich and to get to be the one in charge.
Her main handicap, besides her dingy teeth, was that she was born into a poor family.
Also, she was raised in a poor neighborhood, and no matter what others thought she possessed in talent and good looks, she always felt poor.
Ever since she was a puppy, she drove her family crazy with her affected mannerisms, her attention-grabbing tantrums, and her haughty sense of entitlement.
Although technically she was not a mutt like the majority of dogs that found their way into her Cosa Nostra,yet this thing of theirs which she ruled, was a means for her to attain her ambitions while she behaved like a queen in the midst of paupers.
At face value Lola was a young full-blooded Yorkshire Terrier with a gorgeous silky coat. Lola's other main attraction was that she had the ability to draw attention to herself in many ways that others found amusing.
She made up funny stories, she sang amusing songs, and she did an alarming and charming stand up comedy routine that was popular. "Lola's Parodies, and Punchlines," drew crowds to the "HubbleBubble," and she was quickly becoming an eminent entertainer.
But the applause and wolf-whistles were not enough to satisfy her lust for power and control. She wanted the comforts of luxury to satisfy her, even if it meant stealing from the poor, to give to the poor, meaning, the poor one, herself. A percentage of receipts from the door and the base salary she received as a performer never seemed enough for Lola. In her eyes, her income was pitiful. She needed to pad her bank accounts in diverse ways that would put her in a higher tax bracket. Not that she would consider paying taxes to anyone ever.
Lola's good looks helped her get away with many bad deeds. Sooner or later, she knew, she might get busted, and then she would have to face the music, a different kind of music, in a different way,
Right now, at the HubbleBubble, Lola was center stage with a brown and white short-haired Chichuahua wearing a colorful pancho.
Fernando was buggy-eyed and enthused, playing straight-dog to Miss Lola, his leading lady.
The spotlight on, the music off, the show began.
"Fernando, I took my grandpa to the doctor," began Lola.
"Si, so?"
"See Fernando, I took my grandpa to the doctor, and he asked my grandpa to get undressed."
"Si, so?"
"See Fernando, my grandpa said he didn't think he should get undressed until he knew the reason."
"Si, so?"
"See Fernando, my grandpa wanted to know why he should get undressed, since it was too hard for him to."
"Si," Fernando said while bobbing his head around as if he was a hood ornament on the dash of a 73' Chevy. "So?"
"Well, Fernando, the nurse said, The doctor needs to take some tests."
"Si. So?"
"Grandpa asked, "What tests?"
The nurse said, "We need a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample.
"Si." Fernando paused,inhaled and then asked,"So?"
Lola continued,"My grandpa was hard of hearing and said he didn't carry any samples.
So, I told Grandpa. "Relax, we'll find some samples for you."
"So?"
"So," said Lola,"I told Grandpa,listen."
"Si," agreed Fernando.
"I said, The nurse just needs you to remove your underwear, because I know that's where you keep all your samples!"
The dogs howled with laughter at that joke and Lola and Fernando took a bow.

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Crazy Serial Podcast: (Part IV) "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia E. Zents

2011-08-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

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Crazy Serial Podcast: Part IV "Bitey Poodle's Vices," By Amalia E. Zents.

Entering the front room of his third floor apartment in Canine Quarters, Bitey Poodle was absurdly acute of his guilt, and of his lush surroundings. He mused at how silly it was that he was unable to manage his money. How could he accept charity from a shopkeeper, when he could easily afford a luxury loft in one of Central Pine's most elite quarters? The reason was simple, he'd lost his pride a long time ago and now Bitey was past all caring. At one time, when he was little, before his parents passed,he was a charitable dog. These days he still had good intentions, but lacked self-discipline, and focus. When he was tired and hungry he reproached himself, and when he was full and satisfied, his mind wandered to more exciting matters. In his own mind, Bitey didn't feel he was noble, or normal.
His late parents understood Bitey. They knew their beloved son was an A.D.D. or an Attention-deficit dog.
Bitey felt he would try and change his negative state of mind, and turn to quelling his hunger.
Bitey opened the sack of food. He took the neatly wrapped food from out of the brown paper bag.
Bitey lounged on his luxuriant orange couch and spread out all the food on the walnut wood floor. He assessed Helga's offering. There was a mouth-watering hunk of chedder cheese, a big slice of ham, a bottle of German beer, and a round loaf of oven-fresh bread; crusty on the outside and soft and delicious on the inside.
Bitey thought, "At least I can eat well tonight."
He ate without delay. He was a one-dog eating locomotive. His teeth, tongue and lips were moving rapidly. In this activity, at least, Bitey was hyper-focused.
After satisfying his hunger, Bitey drank his beer. He drank and drank until the dog beer was gone.
Then Bitey yawned, lay back on his couch and allowed the sleepy sensation he felt to overtake him. Fast asleep, Bitey left all his cares behind and was gone to the land of sublime unconsciousness where anything is possible.

In a low-rent neighbourhood, in a different part of the downtown area, a subtle breeze kept the air-flowing through a dusky, dirty bar window inviting a few flies to enter the premises. The buzzing black airborne insects landed on the tables, counter-tops and chairs searching for something to eat.
Francine Bulldog was behind the bar wearing a red flannel blouse, a stained denim skirt and a necklace of red glass beads. As usual her face reflected her mean disposition. She was engaged in a heated argument with her money-grubbing employer and unreliable boyfriend, Furtive Pug.
"You are off your rocker sweet cheeks! I don't ever flirt with the patrons of this establishment."
"Oh yeah? Then tell me why you arn't as hell-bent on selling pull-tabs to the girls at that table."
Francine tilted her head in the direction of two attractive dogs sitting next to the window of the bar.
"And what about that Blonde? You've been flirting with her, I can tell. You're smiling. I hate it when you smile! Who is she?"
"What do you mean?" Furtive snarled.
"Is she your new girl-friend?"
Francine found it impossible to keep her feelings of jealousy to herself.
"Don't get all green-eyed, she may be an undercover-cop or one in training. I've seen a few of those young types who are interested in visiting our dirty side to investigate. They get their jollies seeing the way the other half lives. Lots of those cub detectives and law students like to visit us on occasion, and there's no need getting all worked up about it. I usually find a way to get even with those nosy-parkers. Go on, get back to work."
Francine stopped griping and looked at Furtive and then at the two pretty dogs. She wasted no time in plodding over to the table where Bess and Lorraine were waiting, after a long day of study, to share a drink.

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Crazy Serial Podcast: "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia E. Zents (Part III)

2011-08-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Here is the podcast reading of this transcript:

Crazy Serial Podcast: "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia E. Zents (Part III)

Leaving Central Pines Park, Bitey headed up Jefferson Avenue and over to Main Street.
The white building on the corner was a brand-new deli.
He walked over to peek in the front window of Helga Dachshund's Merry Delicatessen.
And what a merry looking place indeed!
The shop window was clean and sparkling in the sunlight.
Bitey looked through the broad, clear pane at all the dairy and meat cases.
His eyes traveled over the various rows of salads, cold cuts, pastries and the cheeses.
Since he had no money, Bitey did not think he should go in.
Instead, he sat outside pondering what to do, and felt that for awhile, he might just enjoy the experience of the heavenly aroma.
In the shadow of the shiny food shop, Bitey sensed the freshness of the place, and the freshness of its delicacies.
The loud refrigerators sang of the deli's cleanliness, and the humming ceiling fans accentuated the beat of customer satisfaction in perfect time.
Like lovely music, the air was filled with a delicious breeze.
As happy, hungry patrons came and left the shop, the draft through the open door sent the delicious deli smells out into the streets, wafting the wonderful scents straight up Bitey Poodle's nose.
"MMMMMM!" sighed Bitey.
It smelled very delicious.
His nostrils flared with excitement, his tongue drooled with pleasure, and his belly gurgled in approval.
"Oh, if only I had some money!"
Bitey decided it was time to play the PPP or, "Pitiful Puppy Ploy."
Bitey searched for Helga to try and catch her eye.
She had just finished serving the last customer of the day, and was about to clean up before closing.
She walked to the door to turn the "Open" sign over to read "Closed."
She glanced over to the window. She was not quite sure of what was there.
Then she adjusted her glasses to get a closer look.
It seemed to her a pitiful sight.
A lonely, dejected dog was staring back at her.
She wondered what she should do.
She knew better than to give in to every dog who came to beg.
She would be bankrupt in a hurry that way.
However, this dog looked familiar.
Although miserable and puppy-like in appearance, Helga wondered who he could be.
She continued to consider the pathetic doggy in the window.
She noted his long dark ears hanging down, his wet brown eyes looking sad and dejected at her, and she heard his high-pitched whimpers.
This made Helga frown.
Helga sidled over to the blind pulls to close the window blinds.
"She wouldn't. She couldn't," fretted Bitey Poodle.
But, with one brisk yank, the blinds were drawn.
Suddenly, Bitey could not see Helga in the window any longer.
This was unexpected. He imagined he was irresistible.
He thought he did his best acting on an empty stomach, although this time he felt he was genuinely acting "in character."
"Helga would not reject him, would she?,"wondered Bitey.
But, these days, who knows? Folks were becoming more and more cold and selfish. Right?
Like his stomach, this thought began to gnaw at Bitey and so he got up on all fours to leave.
Just then Bitey heard something wonderful.
It was the cheery sound of the cowbells on the deli door jingling, as Helga pushed open the deli door.
Helga was not as cold-hearted as her meat freezer after all!
Helga came out of the deli carrying a brown bag full of food.
It was all for Bitey.
"Score!" Thought Bitey. "Yeah!"
What a surprise!
Before she presented Bitey the package of tasty food, she solemnly asked.
"You are related to somevon I know?"
Bitey nodded. He had some German and French in his pedigree.
Somewhere in his family tree he might be a shirt-tail relation to Helga.
Bitey never told anyone he was not a purebred French Poodle.
"I'm Annabel Poodle's son," Bitey said.
"Wictor or Lyon?"
"Lyon." Victor was Bitey's younger brother. A snob, an elitist, and a former world-champion runner.
"Ach! Lyon, my, you have grown!"
Bitey tried to smile. It was hard to.
He was an adult dog now and wanted to be treated like one.
Also, no one called Bitey "Lyon" nowadays.
Hearing his real name gave Bitey food for thought, as well as food for his tummy.
His nickname "Bitey," came by accident.
He got it during an incident a couple years ago while out gambling and carousing
While Bitey gambled, a villainous barkeep attempted to steal his wallet, and in response Bitey nipped her on the foot, broke some skin, it bled a little and she blabbed about it.
Because Francine Bulldog made such a big deal over it to everyone she knew in the bar, everyone started calling him,"Bitey," instead of Lyon.
To hear his real name again was overwhelming to Bitey.
"I remember your Mama. She vas a good dog. Yah?"
"Yes. And thank you for the food!"
Then Bitey took it, wagged his tail, and watched Helga disappearing behind the shop door.
"You are velcome. Auf wiedersehen!"
Bitey heard Helga bolt the shop on the inside.
He decided it would be best to hurry home, and settle down on his couch, in his own apartment.
He couldn't wait to see what Helga gave him to eat.

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Crazy Serial: Crazy Serial: "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia Zents (Part II)

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Crazy Serial Podcast: "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia E. Zents (Part II)

2011-08-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

Crazy Serial.
"Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia Zents (Part II)

Feel free to follow along with the audio reading on the "Crazy Serial" podcast posted here:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/291786/crazy-serial-bitey-poodle-s-vices-part

Bitey sniffed at a small acorn. He chewed a long piece of grass. He watched Bess and Lorraine heading over to Canine College for their evening class.
"Well! I thought only German Shepherds were Police Officer material. Seems the PoPo are accepting any breed nowadays."
Bitey Poodle felt his stomach growling.
He was hungry and bordered on hypoglycemic.
"I hope it's not grass for supper again!"
While on the outside Bitey looked all spit and polish, with his cute hair-cut and trimmed toenails, his flowing tail and curly crown, on the inside he didn't feel so posh.
What folks didn't know was that Bitey had nothing on his person today, but a bean in his shoe,
an empty leather wallet on his belt and a rumble in his belly.
He knew he had to do something fast or he would pass out.
Indeed, unbenownst to even his closest comrades, Bitey was a trust-fund pup with a monthly allowance and a sufficient amount for a living.
But Bitey had a dim view about hoarding his money, or thinking about the future.
Bitey reflected on how he got to where he was today, when he thought about his parents and their tragedy.

After eight years of living together, Bitey's father and mother were finally married aboard The Trusty Companion.
The wedding actually took place in the Port of Central Pines by the pier, but Bitey didn't mind.
He was just glad to see his parents finally get hitched.
After the ceremony, Bitey's parents, Annabel and Maxwell Poodle departed on their honeymoon to Panama. All was going well. Maxwell owned a successful fashion design company, and Annabel had been left a generous inheritance from her old uncle, Alexi Poodle. With solvent parents, Bitey's future seemed so bright he had to squint! Alas, little did he know his familial happiness would come to such a tragic halt.
Two years after the wedding, Bitey's parents decided to repeat their honeymoon trip, by taking another ship voyage.
This time they would board the luxurious Pomeranian on its premier journey to South America.
Only the most prestigious were allowed to reserve a place on that great vessel.
The Pomeranian's maiden voyage turned out to be a disaster.
There was no chance Bitey's parents would see their Panamanian poodle friends ever again.
A violent storm sunk the ship. Doggy bodies that were not found floating on the surface, after they had hopelessly tried to dog paddle to safety, naturally sank to the bottom of the sea and were lost forever.
When the rescue boats got to the scene, it was too late to save Bitey's parents.
There were very few survivors. The drowning victims whose bodies were found were dragged from the sea. Bodies that went down with the Pomeranian were retrieved as well. Among the dead on ship were Annabel and Maxwell Poodle. They were found in the ocean liner's Grand Estate Room, lying dead in a sweet embrace on a divan, clutching each other and what seemed to be a photo of their family.
It was all so tragic.
Bitey had to identify his parents, and attend the reading of the will. The loss of the Pomeranian and the loss of his parents was all unbelievably shocking and unexpected to Bitey! The nightmare was frustrating because Bitey never had a chance to tell his parents, goodbye.
Thus, as if overnight, Bitey was orphaned. A thought that still caused him intense grief. Still, there was relief in being a trust-fund dog. That part was not that brutal. Sooner or later new money would arrive in his bank account.
Even though his living seemed assured, there was a joke Bitey liked to recite, "While being poor is crummy, a rich person is just a crumb held together by a bunch of dough." Secretly he knew that was not true, but Bitey wanted to slum among all classes, and needed the help of everyone, so he could continue to get his kicks, and get along with everyone, at all levels, so he could forget his inner torment.
Because of his impecuniary ways, Bitey had to rely on a bag of tricks, or strategies to survive in Central Pines City.
Mostly, that meant side-stepping the rules of politeness and propriety.

For your added enjoyment, here is a funny song I created and sang on the way back home from the park tonight: http://youtu.be/-5ckC2FV71Q
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To be continued next week.

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Crazy Serial: Crazy Serial: "Bitey Poodle's Vices," by Amalia Zents (Part II)

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New website portal for Crazy Serial

2011-08-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Crazy Serial fans!
I believe you will be happy to learn I have a new website for "Crazy Serial."
Feel free to check it out here.
Part 2 of "Bitey Poodle's Vices," will be uploaded Friday, August 12, 2012.
I hope you will download the show and share the link with your friends.
Sincerely,
Amy Zents
CPO Crazy Serial.

Crazy Serial Podcast. "Bitey Poodle's Vices" (Part 1)

2011-08-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

Feel free to follow along with the audio reading on the "Crazy Serial" podcast posted here:
http://www.mevio.com/episode/291353/part-1-bitey-poodle-s-vices-by

Bitey Poodle like to take bribes. In fact, he would encourage them any way that he could.
He would walk into a bar-room and start looking for trouble. He might embarrass a feline on the path to his perch at the bar. He would try and mount her in public and the bartender would call him over to offer him a piece of chicken to divert his interest. Bitey didn't mind causing a scene if it gave him a reward.
Bitey knew wherever he went he would arouse either sympathy or jealousy by his good looks.
He was adorable to look at. He always made sure he got well-groomed on the third Monday of every month.
He had a standing appointment at Jack Russell's Dog Salon on 5th and Main.
He made efforts each morning to wash and preen himself.
Bitey Poodle was a lover and a fighter.
Most of all Bitey Poodle loved to gamble. He would bet on just about anything he could. He usually won, by "hook or by crook." Mostly, by crook.
He tried to be adorable if it meant getting the affection he craved. But if things weren't going his way, he walked, or sometimes just ran away.
Underneath his curly fur and pompadour, Bitey Poodle was a coward. He just never tried to let it show.
Bitey had a close circle of ne'er-do-well friends he liked to torment or cajole, but really, Bitey was a loner most of the time.
A loner who tried to act sociable.
Really, like all misfits and mischief-makers, Bitey Poodle was his own best friend.
One day, Bitey decided he might go over to the park and see if there might be some cute female canines he could impress. He went over to the Central Pines, an open green the size of two football fields with a bandstand at one end and a parking lot at the other.
He noticed two females engaged in quiet conversation beside a sad-looking, overgrown pine tree. One of the dogs was a blonde female retriever, named Bess, the other was a skinny greyhound named Lorainne. They were obviously in deep conversation. Bitey thought he might see if he could chat them up and perhaps ask them if they might want to go for ice cream.
The blonde glanced over at Bitey, and she nudged her friend, the greyhound to get moving.
"He's coming over here. We don't want to talk to him."
The two dogs began to walk away from Bitey.
"Hey girls."
The canine gals ignored Bitey.
"Do you think you can just walk away from me?" barked Bitey, as he insisted on being irritating.
The dogs just kept politely walking away from Bitey.
"Stop! Stop!"
All of a sudden, without a moment's hesitation, the two dogs turned on Bitey.
"What part of no don't you understand?" growled Bess Retreiver.
"Yes," agreed Lorraine Greyhound. "Why don't you mind your own business mister?"
Bitey shied away in astonishment.
"I just wanted to ask you what time it was. No harm intended," Bitey remarked sheepishly.
Suddenly, a pang of pleasure raced through Bess.
"What a handsome dog!" she thought. "He even wears bangs."
As if Bitey could sense the attraction in Bess's eyes, he backed off.
Lorraine sensed the two were staring at each other and broke the silence with a bark.
"We have to get to our criminal law class now Bess or we'll be late."
Bitey could not believe his ears.
"You mean you two are studying to be police officers?"
Bess, with a certain amount of pride building in her chest said, "Yes. We are attending the Dogooders Police Academy, so we need to get going. See you again?"
Bitey dropped his jaw. He started to pant.
"Um, yeah, sure."

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Preface

2011-08-05T16:28:00.001-07:00

A serial is a strange story-telling device to get readers interested. I hope to carry-on this centuries-old tradition.
The text for this blog is recorded on a Mevio:
http://www.mevio.com/episode/291349/preface

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.